Rubio Masspew

Don't Look at me like that!!!!

2006-02-28T14:20:00.000-08:00

I am failing to devote enough attention to this blog, so I thought I would do what any good blogfather would do. I'm leaving it out on the street for a while.

Clay is in Trouble! Come to his defense!

2006-02-24T06:01:00.000-08:00

I'm so disturbed about the recent allegations against my "idol", Clay. I consider myself to be the #1 ClayMate, and I feel (although I've never met him) that I know Clay really really really well. So when a US naval cadet decided to tell the world a big dirty basket full of lies this week about having a gay relationship with Clay, I'm not going to pretend it didn't bother me. Truth be told, I spent a good 20 hours in my bathroom with a box of poptarts, listening to "This is the Night" over and over. If you ClayMates are reading this, come to Clay's Defense. Play Clay's music really loud all day long, and wear your Clay is Not Gay! buttons. This is more than an attack against an American Idol. This is an attack against the values that all of us who are real Americans have held to be true since the time of the Founding Fathers.

Picture Story

2005-12-15T17:48:00.000-08:00

I like those games where someone starts a story and each person takes turns adding to the plot. Sometimes the story takes a very interesting turn. However, some people aren't very funny and kill off the character or say he decides to become a "blah, blah" and lives happily every after. Don't do that. Instead of presenting a beginning plot, I am simply presenting a picture. Here it is:

*disclaimer: for those of you out there who have some respect for me. It's a hooka pipe. Mary Jane was not at this party.

For Andy

2005-12-10T13:34:00.000-08:00

You should have seen
By the look in my eyes baby
There was something missin'
You should have known
By the tone in my voice maybe
But you didn't listen
You played dead
But never bled
Instead you lay still in the grass
All coiled up and hissin'

And I though I know
All about those men
Still I don't remember
Cause it was us baby
Way before them
And we're still together
And I meant every word I said
When I said that I love you
I meant that I love you forever

And I'm gonna keep on lovin' you
Cause it's the only thing I wanna do
I don't wanna sleep
I just wanna keep on lovin' you

And I meant every word I said
When I said that I love you
I meant that I love you forever

And I'm gonna keep on lovin' you
Cause it's the only thing I wanna do
I don't wanna sleep
I just wanna keep on lovin' you

Hey I'm gonna keep on lovin' you
Cause it's the only thing I wanna do
I don't wanna sleep
I just wanna keep on lovin' you

Different names for the same thing

2005-12-09T18:19:00.000-08:00

Greetings to all of my faithful friends who have diligently checked this blog daily. "Is Matt dead?" "Has he moved on?" No, no, no. First, I must say "WORD UP!" to my friends in the DR. I have no idea who checks this besides Brian, Lowell, and Elizabeth, so feel free to shoot me an email. I hope you are doing well. I miss you guys. Merry Christmas. Second, for those of you who don't know, I have two brothers. This blog is dedicated to them. Two very different men, but both dedicated to my humiliation in some form or another. I've included pictures of both of them.

Luke has been my faithful Don Quixote, leading me on self-degrading missions such as nude running and one attempted robbery. Luke likes cardigans...a lot! He is a very cheaky bastard. I say that because it used to be amusing for me to think of him as an Englishman. Unfortunately, he made a real friend named Andy who really is a cheaky bastard. I don't know what they do all the time in the garage, but it's not American. That's for sure. This Christmas, I'm leaving Luke for the first time. We have spent every Christmas together. Sorry, Luke. I'll make up for it. Here is a picture of Luke to the right.

Jonathan is my other brother. He is very, very old and important. Actually, last year, he finally removed the restraining order, and I'm allowed to go see him this Christmas. This was a difficult decision for me. Jonathan was forty years old when I was born, so we haven't had the opportunity to bond like brothers should. Hopefully, from the 22nd to the 28th of December, we can make up for lost time. He's even letting me sleep in his house! Here is a picture of Jonathan.

I am very lucky to have both of my brothers. Luke has allowed me to be part of his family. Thanks to him, I will always have a second home and a basement to call my own should I ever need it. Jonathan has also given to me. He sent me to another country for a whole summer where I made many new friends. I will be glad to share my experiences with him this Christmas. Truth be told, I am very jealous of both of my brothers. They have amazing families. I hope that one day, I can be as fortunate. So Merry Christmas and here's to my family, Luke and Jonathan.

Lions, Babies, and Woozy Welshmen

2005-11-05T21:46:00.000-08:00

Wow, what a week. Last night was a very interesting night for all of us. I have a few comments to make:

1. Congrats to Tommy, Leah, and Wyatt! I am very happy for all of you, and I heard through the grapevine that Wyatt is a very beautiful, red baby.

2. To Luke: Mother knows best and size does matter.

3. The Welsh, although commenly mistaken for their neighbors, the Irish, differ from these neighbors in one important area. They are quite unable to hold any amount of alcohol. I never have or will have to make a porcelain pot my pillow.

4. Being a vegetarian was the empiest and most unsatisfying 12 hours of my life.

5. I'm pretty sure that Galadriel has started to absorb Andrew back into her butt.

6. Finally, my father has once again bestowed upon me a valuable nugget of truth in the form of an analogy. Here it is:

In the African plains, prides of lions work in a very interesting way to capture prey. The older lions all form together and roar loudly with the purpose of scaring their prey in the opposite direction. While they do this, the younger and stronger lions wait in the opposite direction for their prey to run right into their laps. It is a simple yet impressive trap to achieve the kill. How can prey avoid this trap? They must run to the roar. They must deny fear and charge onward knowing that the older lions cannot catch them. In my life, I must do the same. I must run towards the roar of the pressures in my life knowing that this is truly the only way to survive.

Thanks, Dad. You da man!

Meat is Murder!

2005-11-03T23:26:00.000-08:00

Listen up, Folks. I'm sick of this. It's murder! We are murdering animals daily, and as I was eating my two double cheeseburgers from McDonald's tonight, I realized that something has to be done! Today was the last time that meat touches my lips...until Thanksgiving Day. Yes, that's right. I don't need meat to be happy. Now, I know that some of you people out their, you Republicans, you "sportsmen", you "real men", may have objections to this. I bet you all think that my motivation for doing this is my girlfriend who happens to be a vegeatarian of 21 years. Well, you are all half-correct. She did not ask me to give up my meat, but her unfamiliar dietary customs have intrigued me. I welcome the lashing comments. Let them come, but I will leave with a question from one vegetarian to the world:

Are you a living grave???

I know that I'm not, and I never will be again...until Thanksgiving.

Anxiety

2005-11-02T08:47:00.000-08:00

The blogs are back! So I typed in "anxiety" in google images and this came up on the second or third page. At first I thought, "this picture doesn't belong here." Then I realized nothing could be more appropriate for me. I feel like a huge lion in getting ready to eat my face off. We (humans) have a natural fleeing response. We like to stay alive so we can spread our genes among the population. Therefore, when a giant lion (Simba, no less)is getting reading to bite your face, you run! However, I don't really have the desire to do so. Seeing that I have such a large network of wise 25-28 year olds available to me, I thought I would ask for your advice. How do you deal with a lack of motivation? Should I get my xbox out and just stop going to class? Okay, I really have to go study becuase I have a quiz in 30 minutes.

Wake Up, O Sleeper!

2005-10-17T15:51:00.000-07:00

Today has been one of the worst days ever, but I just read a profound piece of literature that I would like to share.

"We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverence; perseverence, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our by hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

Right now, I am between suffering and perseverence. I am struggling to persevere, but if I can make it, there is hope in store for me down the line. Sometimes, it helps me to put things in perspective. I read something else today.

"For it is light that makes everything visible. That is why it is said:
'Wake up, O Sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.'
Be very careful, then, how you live-not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity...do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is."

I know that it is the Lord's will to prosper me and not to harm me. This all puts me at ease. I think it's time to wake up, now.

Oh, the horrid burn of regret!

2005-10-17T15:31:00.000-07:00

I have learned three things in the past few days. Here they are:

1. Tom Blake = Satan. It was a clever disquise "Prince of the Air", but you will have to take on another form now.

2. The Welsh are about as technologically savvy as anyone would think they are. Unfortunately for my brother, Andy was too busy "bollarding" sheep to remember that Luke's blog would show up on a church website.

3. A younger brother should spend more time earning the affections of his brother instead of his lanky sidekicks.

Well, life goes on and worse things happen. I got my first C on a test today. I nearly puked. I just might end up pooping all over that 4.0 I have.

Bollard (bowl-ard): def. Stabbed in the Back

2005-10-16T11:22:00.000-07:00

Has anyone ever been taken advantage of? The thing that comes to mind for me is those pyramid schemes where an aquaintance comes to you with this grand idea to make you and him and all of your loved ones tons of money. All he needs from you is $3000. So you reluctantly give him the money after he reassures you that you are in this together. Two weeks later, you realize he has left the country with your money.

Tom and Andy:

Thank you for teaching me a valuable lesson. I will never trust anyone again. Well, I gotta start looking for a new brother. Peace.

Update All Up in Yo' Face!!!

2005-10-15T11:41:00.000-07:00

Sorry for all you people who read this blog religiously. I've been living my life and haven't had time to satisfy your morbid curiosity about what Matt likes and dislikes and blah blahbiddityblahblah.

1. I am on fall break. I have slept in until noon or one for the past three days. Then I get up and do something unimportant like go to Wal-Mart or Target. Then I watch a movie and hang out with my girlfriend.

2. There is a thing on my lip. It looked like a zit for a while, but now it's just red. Is it herpes or the clap???? Maybe I should get tested. Any suggestions? I know that both of my brothers have been in similar situations.

3. My sister-in-law is about to have a baby. I'm excited.

4. Last night I got arrested.

Well, that's all.

Extreme Wet Roller Derby Wars

2005-10-04T09:10:00.000-07:00

Who here likes to be extreme? I'm not talking about mountain jumping extreme... that is for pussies. I'm not talking about alligator wrestling...that, too, is for pussies. Some of us are called to live life on the extreme edge of life or death. If you are ready for the call (and you are a girl between 18-28 with a nice body), take up my new sport: EXTREME WET ROLLER DERBY WARS. Just bring your skates, your white tee, and your nerves of steel. Here are some of my rules. If you would like to make suggestions for the X.W.R.D rulebook, please feel free to comment.

RULE 1: All forms of Hand-to-Hand Combat are allowed.

RULE 2: No sharp weapons shall be attached to a player's roller skates.

RULE 3: Once a player falls into the firepit, she is disqualified from the match, and her team loses five points.

RULE 4: it's up to you...I put down the important ones.

"Bring It"..."Oh, It's already been broughten!"

2005-10-01T22:34:00.000-07:00

I challenge anyone and everyone to a dance off. Just meet me in the parking lot behind Wal-Mart in Lawrence. If you can even touch these moves, you'll have my respect.

P.S. what you can't see here is that the cement is on FIRE!!!

Can I Throw Up, Please?

2005-09-30T09:00:00.000-07:00

At the University of Kansas, we have no cafeterias. However, we do have an overpriced "food court" complete with chinese food for $7, gourmet sandwiches for $6, sushi for God knows how much, and last but not least, Chick-fil-A! For those of you not familiar with this staple of the college diet, Chick-fil-A has two menu items:

Chicken breast on bread with pickles

Chicken breast on bread without pickles

This morning, I realized that for a short time, they sell egg biscuits. So I got two. However, when I sat down to eat, I realized that I grabbed two Chicken sandwiches instead. Now, here I am at 10:30 am with two greasy chicken breasts on buns that I have already paid my hard earned money for. What did I do? I ate them. The room started to spin and I could feel my brow sweating. But wait, was it sweat? No! It was grease, dripping from my forhead. I made a pact that I would never again eat at the KU food court. I'll keep you updated on my progress.

To Nerd or Not to Nerd

2005-09-28T21:59:00.000-07:00

To nerd or not to nerd, that is the question. My girlfriend, Stephanie, told me today that I am a nerd. Up until that point, I have always considered myself a "cool" guy. I think that we tend to view ourselves as who we would like to be instead of who we actually are. So I decided to really lay out the positives and negatives of my social status and determine how cool I really was. The list is as follows:

I am a 21-year-old who religiously watches a Japanese cartoon about a blonde-haired Ninja boy.
I teach biology to non-science majors (actual "cool" people).
I spend most of my time reading either chemistry or science fiction.
I love xbox.
I drive a Volkswagon Jetta.
I don't actively play any "contact" sports.
I have a 4.0 GPA.
I have an extremely large and expensive collection of comic books (Silver-Age Batman is my favorite. *see, nobody even knows what that means)
I built my own computer.
I wear sweaters with sweatpants.
I hang out with my mom.
I drink tea.

Well, those were a few of the positives. We won't get into the negatives. Anyways, I have determined that "cool" is far too subjective of a term for me to be worrying about it. If these qualities are nerdish to my social community, then I will be an outcast. I will embrace my inner nerd and be proud. Stephanie should be glad she has such a devilishly handsome nerd. I encourage all to seek out those qualities that make you a nerd and enjoy them. That way, I will feel better about myself.

Telomerase

2005-09-21T22:47:00.000-07:00

Did you know that you have an enzyme active in DNA replication that prevents newly replicated strands of DNA from shortening after each synthesis? This enzyme is called telomerase. It is quite useful because it prevents degredation and mutation in your cells. Unfortunately, this enzyme is inactive in most of your body. That is why we age and our cells die. However, telomerase is active in cancer and helps cancerous cells duplicate and live. If we could find a way to deactivate telomerase in cancer and activate it in our bodies, we could undo much of the damage caused by cancer and aging. You know, I've learned a lot at KU. KU is a school dedicated to the improvement of young people, and this girl has big tatas.

Frothy Lube

2005-09-18T11:45:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night that the orginal dukes of hazzard were having an orgy. Worst part of it is... it was a reunion show and they were all fifty. I am going to go shoot myself now.

OUCH

2005-09-17T10:06:00.000-07:00

Lost in Translation

2005-09-16T23:10:00.000-07:00

One of my foreign (Welshian or Icelandic?) friends brought something to my attention today. Sometimes, we Americans fail to see the full spectrum of human understanding. This is where foreign people come in handy. They open our eyes and show us that God (Allah) has made us all very different. Why is it that even after we learn every language that there is to learn, we still fail to communicate what we really mean? Even communicating yourself to another person of the same native tongue can be a tricky process. It requires a careful consideration and selection of words. That being said, I won't talk to anybody who is not a native English speaker anymore. It requires too much energy.

Learning to Urban Co-op

2005-09-15T19:07:00.000-07:00

The greater metropolitan area of any city is a cornacopia of life and cultural flavor. Sadly enough, seldom does the average urbanite find time to expand his or her horizons. The average, white male works forty hours a week to provide for a family. He spends his precious free time indulging his mind in the recently lost freedom that comes with youth. "What if I had become a pirate or an accountant?" he asks himself as he stares into the television, holding a beer or glass of wine. After countless hours, days, weeks, months, and years of this self-deprecation, few men can survive while still grasping to their dignity. However, the one who does has learned the secrets of the city. He has found the proverbial fountain of life and it lies in his back yard. What causes this average man to set down his brew and remove the tyrranical chains of television from his back? Urban Co-op Farming. Our everyday man steps into his backyard and rips through the earth with his bare hands like a clumsy surgeon. Immediately, life flows through him like an electric force from the center of the earth. This is not enough. He must have someone to share this newfound energy with. He immediately jumps the fence and lets himself into his neighbor's house. Covered in earth, clay, and vegetable seeds, he tries to communicate his passion for urban co-op farming but labors to no avail. "Why can't these people see the importance of urban co-op farming?" Not all are called to this way of life. It takes a weathered man to see the true beauty in urban co-op farming. A man that has been down a dark path without his soul until he has nowhere to go. This man has hit rock-bottom. But what he will find is that underneath that layer of rock is his fresh, life-bringing earth. He needs only to reach down into that dirt and find his soul again.

2005-09-15T18:59:00.000-07:00

I spent my summer looking at this every night. Viva La Republica Dominicana.